The Most Romantic Thing My Husband Ever Said to Me
I happened to be throwing up at the time.
by JoHannah Reardon
We have funny ideas about romance. We think of it as candlelight, being showered in gifts, and a stolen kiss. That may be sort-of romantic, but at my age those things have worn kind of thin. And I think they have for a lot of people.
Take Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, for instance. He’s probably the most romantic figure in fiction. Women hold him up as the ideal that they’re looking for. But what is he like? For most of the story he’s cold, distant, and insulting. He certainly never does the candlelight and gift thing. He doesn’t even steal a kiss! But he’s a man of action. When it comes right down to it, he moves heaven and earth for the one he loves at great cost and inconvenience to himself.
And isn’t that what we all ultimately want? Someone who has our backs and will be there when we really need them?
The dictionary defines romance as: Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people. I like that definition. One of the most romantic things my husband ever said to me was when I was puking my guts out after an airline flight. Feeling like the scum of the world, I apologized that I’d once again put a damper on our trip by getting airsick (for about the 3,000th time). His response? “You’re the bravest person I know.” In that moment, I felt an ardent emotional attachment that was much greater than if he’d bought me 10 dozen roses and suitcases full of candy.
So what’s the key to having an ardent emotional attachment and involvement? I can think of at least five things.
1. You have to set aside time together. Regularly make a date to get away from jobs, ministry, kids, and the phone. If you’re living in the same house and never interacting, that isn’t ardent emotional attachment.
2. Become each other’s warrior and defender. Stick up for each other in front of the kids, in front of extended family, and in front of your friends. That doesn’t mean that you don’t see the other’s faults and face them, but do that privately after much prayer and thought. On a daily basis, make a commitment to build that person up whenever possible.
3. Return blessings for arrows. Whenever possible, return kindness for unkindness. Not only will it improve your marriage, but it will make you more Christ-like.
4. Talk about everything. If you’re afraid to talk to your spouse about how you really feel about something, you won’t feel an ardent emotional attachment. You’ll feel that you’re placating him so that you don’t have a blow out. That will end up feeling like walking on eggshells after a while. I’d rather see a couple have a shouting match about something they disagree on than refuse to talk about it at all. Every once in a while, my husband and I have a good old yelling match, which lets us know how strongly we’re feeling about the subject, then we calm down and really talk about it.
5. Sincerely desire the other person’s best. Most times that I’m angry with my husband, it’s because I didn’t get my way. When I step back and think about how I can help him be everything he can be in Christ, I feel a lot more compassion for him—indeed I feel an ardent emotional attachment that I would call romance.
What about you? What do you think romance truly is?
Monday, February 21, 2011
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Yes, Love Is a Feeling ...
Yes, Love Is a Feeling ...
Christy Scannell
It all feels very right during weddings—as if Paul knew he was providing sermon fodder and earning the thanks of pastors for generations.
Look closer at 1 Corinthians 13, which has become known as the "love chapter." Paul wasn't talking about cozy feelings. He was telling the Corinthians that their love would be known if they put it into action. In other words, at a time when being Christian wasn't cool, Paul was instructing the Corinthians to show Christ's love through what they did, not what they said. If they did this, he knew, skeptics would look at the devoted Corinthians and say, "See how they love one another? I want to be like them."
When we adopt Paul's intention and apply it to marriage rather than growing the church, we find that loving our spouses isn't "feeling" patient or "feeling" kind—it's doing something about the feeling. I don't know how many times I've heard a married person say after he or she does something wrong toward a spouse, "But she (he) knows I love her (him)" as if that erases any obligation or liability. What if the Corinthians had said the same as an excuse for stealing or hurting people? No one would have wanted to become a Christian! In the same way, when we display poor marriages, we give people reason to say such things as, "Why get married when it just ruins your relationship?" or "I don't want to be tied down in case I end up in a situation like that."
I'm especially sensitive about action as an expression of love because my love language, according to Dr. Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages, is "acts of service." For me, the best evidence of my husband's love is when he does something for me, especially without my asking him. So if I come home and Rich has cleaned the kitchen, made the bed, fixed a broken vase, or even just made dinner reservations, I feel loved.
Rich's love language is "physical touch." He likes nothing better than a hug—anytime, any place. When we watch TV, he prefers to sit next to me on the sofa, our feet entangled on the ottoman. When we are in public, he often grabs my hand to hold or comes up behind me for a quick peck on the neck.
Just like those wedding readings of the love chapter, my description of how Rich and I enact our love languages might sound ideal. But here's the kicker: It isn't easy for us to work within each other's languages. The initiative to take on household projects or schedules doesn't come naturally to Rich. Similarly, it isn't instinctive for me to open my arms for a hug or reach out to hold his hand. Sometimes we just get lazy and stop speaking each other's languages, instead expecting the other to talk the way we want. That results in my frustration over his seeming to do "nothing" and his annoyance that I am "pulling away" from him rather than touching.
But when we start paying attention and putting that love into action, we continue to be surprised at how gigantic a small deed—when done in the right language—can be. He mows the lawn, and I tell him four times how much I appreciate it while he says, "It was no big deal." Or I stop what I'm doing and give him a long hug and kiss, to which he displays a wonderfully serene smile that tells me he feels loved.
What is your spouse's love language? Start speaking it. And if you aren't sure, ask! When you speak your spouse's love language, people will look at you and say, "See how they love each other? I want to be like them!"
Christy Scannell, freelance author and editor and former columnist for Catholic Couples, is co-author of Katt's in the Cradle (Howard Books/Simon & Schuster). www.ChristyScannell.com
Saturday, April 4, 2009
God's purpose for marriage.
What is God's primary purpose for marriage?
Understanding God's purpose for marriage is of the utmost importance, because to marry and miss it is to enter into a life full of frustration and disappointment -- setting the stage for great marital unrest. Most of us tend to marry with very romanticized ideas of what marriage is going to be. With great excitement we anticipate the relationship that will finally meet our romantic and emotional needs. God's primary intention for marriage however, is not what most of us imagine it to be. He has not designed marriage as a place where we can finally try to get our needs met. He has created it as something much better -- something far more grand than that. God intends to use marriage to accomplish a very important goal -- one that is His primary goal for all Christians. God's primary purpose for marriage is to use it to help shape us into the image of His Son. If we miss out on this we are doomed to a life of anxiety and frustration.
Yes, marriage is God's arrangement for lifetime companionship and the arena for our sexual expression, but like with all that He has created, God uses marriage to direct us towards Himself. The challenges offered in marriage He capitalizes on to help shape and mold us into the image of Jesus. To evaluate our personal success in a marriage we must not then look to see if our needs are being met, but we must ask ourselves, "Am I demonstrating the image and character of Jesus Christ?." We determine our success by how much we are becoming like Christ -- loving and honoring our spouse according to the specific roles God has laid out for us in the Scriptures. Far wiser than us, God knows that as we grow into the image of Jesus our greatest needs are met.
Sadly, most of us have been under that false notion that God means for our mate to meet all of our romantic and emotional needs. We marry, fully intending to have our spouse be all that we ever wanted in a mate. Shortly after the wedding though, we begin to think that our new partner has a lot of changing to do. In fact, it appears they are far from being able to fully meet our needs. Instead of being fully committed to our idea of what a marriage is all about, they entered in with their own ideas of what marriage is to be -- along with their own list of needs they expect us to meet.
The most successful marriages
A study of marriage in history reveals that long-lasting marriages are generally those which are more "role" oriented than "romance" oriented. That is, those Christian couples who marry with a clear understanding of their biblical roles, and have as their primary purpose to carry them out, are generally happier in marriage than those who marry in order to get their needs met. Considering that 20th century
Men and women are different in their unique expressions of self-centered love for each other. A woman frequently marries looking for fulfillment in her relationship with her husband. Her husband, on the other hand, marries looking for fulfillment outside the marriage in his job or in a hobby. In a normal marriage we find a wife trying to get her needs met in her husband and a husband wanting his wife to be with him while he gets his needs met outside the home. Wives tend to want relationship. Husbands tend to want companionship. God, knowing this, puts these two together with the intent that overcoming their differences will help make them more like His Son. He wants neither one to try to get their "needs" met in the other. He put them in the relationship to learn to be givers not takers. God knows that that is our greatest inner need.
One problem in understanding the truth of this is that the wife's needs do sound more noble than her husband's, since she puts so much emphasis on the relationship. Yet God has not called us to commit to a relationship (or even to get anything out of a relationship). He has called us to commit to a person. There is a big difference between a loving a person and loving a relationship. A genuine loving commitment to a person requires selflessness -- your goal being to give and get nothing back (1 Cor 13:5). Loving a relationship, on the other hand, feeds selfishness, because it is committing yourself to something you will benefit from. It is an investment in yourself. Impatience, anger, and frustration will flourish in a relationship where the relationship itself is valued more than the other person it involves. Giving to get is never consistently satisfying.
If we are ever to find joy in our marriage we must never lose sight of God's goal for us -- complete selflessness. For only in that kind of submission to God is there joy. Only when we are truly submitting to God and honoring our mate the way He has commanded will we find fulfillment. As the designer of the marriage relationship He knows that our obedience will fulfill far deeper needs in us than any we thought we had. For with that obedience not only do we have the peace that comes from knowing we are right with God, but our spouse thrives on the character of Jesus reflected in our actions and they become a better partner -- making the marriage a more pleasant place to be.
We can learn something about this from the account of Adam and Eve. They were two individuals who thought they knew what their needs were and what it would take to make them happy. Their desires though, when achieved, brought little more than a sweet taste in their mouths. They settled for less, and in doing so, alienated themselves from God and brought a great deal of pain to following generations. What a price to pay for such fleeting happiness! Had they abided by God's perfect plans they would have been able to enjoy real fulfillment.
Like Adam and Eve many of us think that it is possible to achieve happiness by doing that which is appealing to the flesh. We are tempted to believe that if only we can get our spouse to pay the right kind of attention to us or to stop "hassling" us we will be happy. Because that is not God's way though, we can be sure that no matter what we obtain we will never be satisfied. It will be a never-ending, highly stressful search.
Marital difficulties make us more like Jesus.
Those who welcome the difficulties of marriage, become more like Jesus. Those who bail out of marriage, or quietly wish theirs would end, miss the spiritual benefits of enduring trials. Learning to endure trials makes one more holy. Jesus himself was made perfect (mature or complete) through his suffering. Consider:
In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering. Hebrews 2:10
Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered Hebrews 5:8
Through trials believers are shaped into the image of Christ.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5
This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.'" Zech 13:9
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-7
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. 1 Pet 4:1
" Endure hardship as discipline; . . . God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness, . . . it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:7,10,11
God's primary goal for His people is for them to be conformed into the image of Christ. He therefore uses difficulties and challenges to refine our character and strengthen our faith. Without discipline and challenge an athlete never grows stronger or more skilled. Without testing through suffering, a Christian will never grow strong in Christ. Growth, both natural and spiritual, comes only through challenge.
Following Christ means the laying aside of our plans and goals and the adoption of God's. Therefore, if we share God's goal, and wish to become like Christ, then we will can rejoice when we encounter the opportunities for growth afforded by suffering. Having a joyful response however, requires that we actually do share Christ's goals for our life. If we are pursuing a trouble-free, happy marriage we will avoid and resist opportunities for suffering, but if we share God's values and crave godliness, we will genuinely find joy in our difficulties.
Many want to avoid the challenge of marriage, because they mistakenly believe that God’s ultimate goal for them is "happiness." They perhaps, made a decision to follow Christ originally because someone told them that if they added Christ to their life he would make things “go better.” They came to Christ for “happiness.” They married to be "happy." They were defrauded. God desires for his people joy, not happiness.
Joy comes from trust in God's love and sovereignty -- it is an inner peace not connected to circumstance (Phil 4:4-9). Happiness is nothing more than feelings of well-being based on happenstance -- it is conditioned completely on what happens or how things go. Like Christ, who was called the "Man of Sorrows" (Isaiah 53:3), those Christians in God's will, find themselves in many unpleasant and unhappy hardships, even in a challenging or difficult marriage. They will however, have great joy if they trust God is in control of the trial, that He is using it to strengthen their faith, and that He will not give them more than they can handle.
Those Christians who forsake their wedding vows and abandon their mates, often justify their action by declaring that God wants them to be happy, and separation is the only thing which will bring them happiness. The error of this type of thinking should be obvious. God wants for us not happiness, but the joy which results from godliness. We grow in godliness by selflessly loving others in the midst of adversity. Leaving an unhappy marriage only shows we didn't allow the trial to drive us to Christ.
Thinking we understand God's plan, some of us also sell ourselves short. We may grasp the need to stick with our marriage, so we do just that. We hang in there. We may even feel we are doing well to handle our mate's disagreeableness, but the truth is that God has not called us to simply "hang in there" or tolerate our husband or wife. The command is not, "Husbands tolerate your wife as Christ tolerates the Church." God's goal is not for us to put up with our mate, but for us to be uncompromisingly devoted to them, seeking to get back nothing in return. There is a world of difference between toleration and commitment -- the one is self-protective and the other is self-sacrificing. One makes us a self-concerned, cautious observer and the other a devoted participant.
What about those for whom it does not work?
There are those who believe that they have tried it God's way and yet feel it did not work. That would, of course, be impossible. If something God designed hasn't worked for us, the problem lies in our approach not with God's design. God is perfect and nothing He does or creates is flawed. In fact, his plans for marriage are not simply OK -- they are wonderful and incredibly brilliant! As we whole-heartedly submit ourselves to God and comply with His master-plan we can be sure our lives will be blessed. If we rest in His perfection and wisdom we can know that obedience to Him will bear good fruit. If we have not found fulfillment in "trying" it God's way, we need to realize that we weren't doing it right. It could very well be that we were hindered in succeeding, because we were doing something to give the devil a foothold in our life. We most probably have been the source of our own failure.
The fact is, we must obey God not because we want to make our spouse change, or because the trial will go away, but because God has spoken. The very fact we make the statement, "I tried that and it didn't work," indicates that we didn't obey God with a pure heart -- our motives were self-serving -- we were obeying in order to get a result. As followers of Jesus, we don't give obedience to God a "try," or follow biblical principles so that we will be blessed -- we obey Christ because He is the Lord.
May all who read these words be willing to trust God and do what is right. Amen!
Addendum
Lest the reader think that God has no interest in romance, it is important to remember that God was the original inventor of romantic love, and in fact, devoted the entire book of Song of Solomon to the subject. (Many even construe that book to be a metaphor of Christ's love for the Church.) Let none be confused -- God does desire his people to enjoy romance in marriage. However, those who enter into marriage with the intention of finding perfect romantic fulfillment, have entered it with self-centered motives and will therefore find great disappointment. The best romantic love is fostered in a marriage in which both partners have served one another selflessly. Their love has grown, because they have been won by the other's devotion. May we all foster great romantic love in our marriages by our selfless service to our mates.
Excerpted from “Help for the Struggling Marriage” by Reb Bradley
Friday, March 20, 2009
The way of peace
2009 came with a bang as usual when the whole world welcomes every New Year with fireworks and grand parties.
I supposed we need a celebration for that but the sad thing is most people just let the days goes by without really finding meaning in living through the 365 days that we have in a year! And so as March 2009 is coming to an end I have been thinking about several things that can either make or break us depending on how we handle them.
And one of those is in the area of how we respond to circumstances that are best describes as storms of life or life’s painful process.
Over the years...sadness has helped me appreciate happiness more when it happens, brokenness has helped me embrace wholeness in a whole new way every time a healing happen, disappointment has helped me appreciate God's consolation every time that happens which is quite routine, anger has helped me embraced God's forgiveness in a deeper way as I understand He does give room to vent it in a healthy way, bitterness has helped me see the depths of God's perfect and unconditional love for such as I every time I feel it I remember the bitter cup He took on my behalf at Gethsemane so I, too can say not my will but Thine be done.
Yes, let's learn the way of peace...allowing the peace that surpasses all understanding to help us in the times our soul is most troubled. For it is when we live out in that peace we think better, we do not react but respond to things around us and best of all, we might not be able to smile, laugh or say thank you to God but we exude the calmness and quietness of a soul that is at peace not only with God but with ourselves.
I think I have reached a stage in my life where I'm more steady, like a well grown tree I supposed because of what He has been doing in my life. We must continually remind ourselves to keep on looking up to Him for hope, courage and peace even in the face of the harshest storm. We are assured by His Word and from life experiences that when God closes a door He will either open a window or another better door.
The best thing is we never give up on the dreams that God has put there to inspire us, to spur us on and to bring out the best in us. And I always believe that we are never called to live life less than what He has intended for it to be. It’s not so much on what we can attain, acquire or achieve but on how we choose to live our lives for His purposes and pleasure.
Looking back there were times I wanted to give up on the dreams He planted in my heart back then and there were times I couldn't believe He would actually make the way but here I am living out those dreams that were once just dreams of a teenager. I have tasted His goodness, kindness and faithfulness every single moment though many times I didn't realized it or even appreciates what He was, is and will always be doing-not busy making my wishes or dreams come true but making Christ more visible in me.
I'm none the richer from before and I'm becoming convinced that I was never meant to accumulate riches but I am tasting His blessings so I can bless others, too, within what am capable of. And yes, as the years goes by life is getting shorter and our days are numbered so seize every moment, make it count for eternity in how we choose to live our lives before God and before others. For we are called not to live with a blind faith, or just to live for ourselves but a faith that seek to glorify God and bless others. For so great is God’s love for us, let’s continue to learn to love Him in ways that we are capable of for it is in this way I believe we make sense out of life and living!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Being light & salt in the world we are in but not of...
So, once in a while so to keep in touch with humanity at large I will go downtown during the weekend, that’s when everybody comes out. After few hours of window shopping and walking through the busy, crowded and noisy city center its time to head home as the evening draws in and as usual will get stuck in the rush hour crowd waiting for the LRT train.
That's the best time to find a place to sit and draw in the sights and sounds around me. 
As I look at the skyline of metropolis KL against the slightly red and grey evening sky a prayer of thanksgiving went up to God as I contemplate the wonders of this relationship I'm so privileged to enjoy with Him. This relationship gave me the reason for my existence here in this complicated world.
As I look at the people around me I wonder how many have known or is experiencing this relationship with the One who's arms and heart is always open to receive, forgive and love His fallen creatures! At times when I feel that life is heavy and losing its meaning the thought of Him brings me back to the reason and meaning of who I am and moving on purposely with living.
I can imagine a world without God, my world without God...hopelessness, helplessness, brokenness, meaninglessness... that was the world that I came from. For 16 blurry years of my childhood and younger days life was just a meaningless and empty existence! I never want to go back to that life ever again! As I think of my family, my work and calling, my social and personal life...it all makes sense because God is in it. 
God at the center of everything keeps my life whole and functioning as it should. I'm currently rereading the Gospel of Matthew in the translation 'The Message' by Eugene Peterson and reading this version is so much today...the frame of mind and yet still so true to its original meaning! I can attest that Eugene Peterson is one of today's godly and faithful, pastor, scholar and theologian! I have been so much challenged and blessed by his numerous books especially one called 'Subversive Spirituality' that calls the Christian to affect transformation in his/her world from the inside out which I no doubt Peterson gleaned form his years of studying and teaching the Gospels both as pastor and lecturer.
I'm challenge daily by the way Jesus lived out His Kingdom life and values boldly and unashamedly in a generation so much like ours...with the same spiritual environment and needs. Jesus called His disciples to do the same, not mere religiosity but living the kingdom life, the God life, the zoe life! Indeed, any era through the ages would have been senseless and meaningless without God's presence directly there. Yet, when we look at the biblical account of our world we 'see' the Creator God present and actively working out His salvific plan for mankind.
Through the Incarnation the presence of Immanuel became forever tangible and now through the Holy Spirit is forever etched in the hearts and lives of those who believe in His saving grace. Yes, though the world at large do not want to believe or acknowledge Him it doesn't change the fact that He still cares dearly for His creation and is fully in control even when the world thinks otherwise. As I and others who loved Him seek to live our lives as Kingdom people this old world will never be without God because we are the dwelling for His direct presence at all time until He comes!
Dating Jesus
[When 'lover of my soul' language goes too far.]
Agnieszka Tennant | posted
God loved the world with an extravagant tenderness. He spun into our genes a strand of divine DNA. Imago dei, this God with us—it's an astonishing intimacy.
The Bible shows it from various angles: God is a hen, and we are the chicks. God is a Shepherd, and we are the straying sheep. God is a Bridegroom, and we, his church, are the bride.
We can see God draw near, and it is dizzying.
But does all this closeness mean that Jesus is the personal boyfriend of Christian women? That God is my fiancé? That the First and the Last is my husband? That he and I are dating?
So it appears to some.
In a popular book, I learn of women who set up date nights with Jesus. Christie enjoys her Friday nights by going to Barnes & Noble "to drink coffee with the Lord and to read whatever book from the Christian living section he guides me to" or by cooking a wonderful meal and setting the table for two, then "talking to God as if he is actually sitting there at my table with me, because I know that he is."
The author of this book calls women to "prayer, praise, and pampering" retreats: "Although God certainly loves us even with unshaven legs, no makeup, and a bed-head hairdo, he also deserves to occasionally have his princess sit at his feet while she is looking and feeling her best." She casts these retreats as exciting dates. "You are running away with your Lover, not confining yourself to a convent."
In another book, the author assures her readers that "you are the one that overwhelms his heart with just 'one glance of your eyes,'" quoting from the Song of Solomon. "His gaze is fixed on you," she writes. "He is captivated by your beauty."
These teachings have spread into churches. My friend's mother took part in a "tea with the Lord," during which she and the other women wore their wedding gowns—those, at least, who managed to squeeze into them—and fancied themselves as brides of Christ. An influential
But such eros-laced sentiments directed at Jesus aren't a new trend. Neither is reading the Song of Solomon and other biblical passages as erotically charged letters addressed directly to the reader.
Several of those whom liturgical Christians call saints considered themselves wives of Christ. Catherine of Siena received a vision in which Christ married her and gave her a ring. It was made from foreskin left over after his circumcision. Before you laugh, consider this: After this event, Catherine devoted herself to the sick and the poor.
According to Women and Gender in Medieval Europe: An Encyclopedia, edited by Margaret C. Schaus (Routledge, 2006), medieval nuns used to participate in marriage liturgies as brides of Christ. The tradition continues in various forms today. The bridal imagery "presents explicit erotic content, yet also extols celibacy and pronounces the inherent sinfulness of sexual desire (concupiscence)."
Some men, too, managed to see themselves as brides.
The great poet John Donne besought God in the often-quoted sonnet:
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
I don't question the devotion of anyone who says she loves Christ intensely, whatever language she uses to express it.
But I have little patience for taking biblical metaphors too far and giving one's relationship with God an air of irreverent chumminess. Somehow, the scenario in which "his princess" shaves her legs for a date with Jesus seems to leave little room for fear of God.
And consider how unhelpful this misreading must be to single women who are hormonally awake. The cruel message they get is: If Jesus is really your husband, what's your problem? Be satisfied!
The Bible is replete with breathtaking metaphors that hint at God's love for us. Thank God, we don't always take them to illogical ends: I've never heard a preacher take the Good Shepherd image to mean that God raises his children to ultimately kill and eat them.
So, yes, in addition to being the Shepherd, the Bread of Life, and the Vine, Jesus is, poetically speaking, the Bridegroom. And we—the church—are his bride.
But that doesn't mean I'll be getting into my wedding gown anytime soon. Not that it would fit.
Copyright © 2006 Christianity Today.
My response...
Kudos to Agnieszka for writing such a thoughtful article on a subject that I have been having the same thoughts on. It is very true that we need to put a boundary so that we do not push biblical metaphors too far and taking them or understanding them in the way the world looks at a lot of things. I agree with her contention that if such metaphors are taken too far off it will create an unhealthy air of 'chumminess' with God that will most surely create an attitude of irreverence.
And when that happens we put ourselves at an equal standing with God which is NOT right! We must learn to respect God for who He is and remember that though the relationship we are called into with Him is intimate but it never should compromise the place of God as God. The intimacy must never be confused with what we understand as human intimacy per se. God uses metaphoric language to help us understand things but with Him it always connotes a higher level of understanding, things that are spiritually divine and never humanistic nor perverted.
A person I consider a shining example in seeing herself as 'married to Christ ' is the late Mother Theresa that devoted her entire life to give dignity to the dying poor of
James clearly stated in his epistle that faith without action is dead and so our Christian spirituality demands that our faith becomes real in a real world. And so being a single woman the struggle will always be there, the struggle with emotional loneliness and sexual frustrations, the struggle with society's expectation that a woman MUST have a man to validate her worth, the struggle of learning to be interdependent (despite the pull to be more independent) and the plain struggle of learning to embrace the gift of singleness and celibacy with joy and not getting stuck in the doldrums of being a desperate and overly emotional woman in her forties.
I myself have thrived on the fact that I am already married in my heart to the One who is the Eternal Groom, but after years in the Bible Seminary I have come to understand this truth in a more Christ centered biblical and theological way. Even more I believed that I'm sustained as a person, a woman who has gone through a lot of emotional turmoil from young that has tore at the very fabric of who I am a woman, because of the extravagant and exquisite love of God not only for me in the context of the human race but as an individual created in the image of God.
To this day I wear a silver ring on my 'married' finger as a personal symbol to myself that my heart is already taken and therefore I have and I am devoting my entire life to serving Him in the calling that He has given me. Therefore this is why I strongly feel, think and believe that to be married is penultimate and the ultimate thing is to become more and more Christ like, being changed from glory to glory.
So, yes, a Christian woman can be single and sane and does NOT have to create some kind of mystical concept of having Christ as boyfriend or fiancé. If we do such things where is the sense of awe and reverence for Him as the Triune God?! Biblically Christ IS our Groom to be and as Revelation puts it we need to become (the process we go through in this earthly existence) the spotless Bride that He wants us to become. This embrace both the corporate and individual level of our lives as believers.
The Christ of Christmas
Christmas is more than Santa Claus and Christmas trees
by James Montgomery Boice
HOW SHOULD WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS?
If you are not a Christian, the best way to celebrate Christmas is by becoming a Christian, that is, by believing in Jesus, asking Him to come into your heart and determining to follow Him as His disciple. But perhaps you already are a Christian. Perhaps you already have believed in Jesus. How should you celebrate Christmas then?
The story of Mary and the shepherds and the angels gives us some clues.
First, the shepherds “spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child” (Luke 2:17 NIV). This means that they became witnesses to Jesus. That God used them to spread this heavenly message must have stunned them. Shepherds were a despised class in first-century Palestine. The nature of their calling kept them from observing the ceremonial law, which meant a lot to religious people. Shepherds were also considered unreliable and were not even allowed to give testimony in the law courts.
But the angels came to shepherds with the great message that Christ the Lord – the Savior of the world – had been born in the town of David. And despite what others thought of them, the shepherds knew that lost people needed to hear that great message. It is the same today. Jesus is the world’s Savior. And people are still lost without Him.
Second, the people who heard the message “were amazed at what the shepherds said to them” (verse 18). People today are hardly amazed at anything, but it is hard to see how anyone can understand what Christmas is about and not be amazed. Christmas is the story of God becoming man, like us, in order to save us from our sins. This truth was so astonishing that people believed even shepherds!
But aren’t you amazed when you think about what God did for us? Yes, there is much about God becoming man that we cannot understand, but even if we could understand every bit of it, we still would be amazed.
Third, Mary “treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart” (verse 19 NIV). What Mary did went beyond mere amazement, though she marveled too. This wonderful woman also made an attempt to remember everything that was happening to her in those days and then to figure out what each of these things meant. That is, she took time to think about spiritual things, just as we should do. Christmas is a very busy time. But our time is badly spent if we allow the business of Christmas to keep us from reading the Christmas story again and again, thinking about it.
Fourth, the shepherds “returned glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen” (verse 20 NIV). This means that they spoke not just to others about the birth of Jesus. They also spoke to God, praising Him for it. They saw the birth of Jesus as something God had done, and they wanted to thank Him.
Here’s a suggestion. If you are willing to try to celebrate Christmas like Mary and the shepherds did, don’t begin with verse 17, which tells us to tell others about Jesus. Begin with verses 18-20, which tell us to wonder at the birth of Jesus, to ponder its meaning, and to praise God for it. Praise God for sending Jesus. Think about why Jesus came to earth on that cold night so long ago. And marvel that, because of His birth, life, death, and resurrection, you have not suffered God’s just punishment for your sins but rather have been saved from them.
From The Christ of Christmas, by James Montgomery Boice, Moody Bible Institute of Chicago, ©1983. Used with permission. James Montgomery Boice holds a B.A. from Harvard University, a B.D. from Princeton Theological Seminary, and a Th.D. from University of Basel, Switzerland. He is chairman of the International Council on Biblical Inerrancy.
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